Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Larry King drives Snoop Dogg's low-rider all IZZLE da LBC



Larry King has been on TV for 50 years. He is the voice of sensibility. I just saw him on TV with Snoop Dogg driving around town in Snoop's low rider.  It really looked funny.  It reminds me when you see a 65 year-old woman squished into a youngster's outfit after having a spray tan and a botox. Out of place and almost hard to watch.

I'm glad Larry was driving.  Snoop was really high. He spoke IZZLE language and Larry had no clue what he was talking about. Actually, it makes me like Larry King more.  No one to smack here. He looks like a bag of bones but has a great life for a guy in his late 70's.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Rush Limbaugh. It must be weird to hear what he thinks. (other than the circus music)



There is so much ammunition for a Rush Limbaugh Smackum! , I don't know what to say. Every era has it's Blow Hard. Unless you are quick with a remote control you eventually run into his antics. It must be weird to hear what he thinks. (other than the circus music) It's not his fault, he's been thumped in the head.

He likes the sound of his own voice and the reaction he gets by saying what redneck thinking jerks would normally keep to themselves. It's impossible, but I wish we could make him watch himself from an outsider's perspective. He would laugh.

It reminds me of the time Harry Perry approached me at Venice Beach. You know, the guy roller skating with an electric guitar that was on the Chevy commercials. We always joked he took off his turban and went back to a normal home with a wife and kids. I have that hope for Rush Limbaugh. It's all just an act. He can't really think like that. You would think he would get addicted to drugs or alcohol. Oh, that's behind him now. I'm just not sure his habit has left his neurons in good standing.

I just don't listen to his garbage. Same with Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin, Joe the Plumber and all the current cartoon characters presented to us via the media 2010.

Someday there will be Tivo recognition technology that identifies characters you disdain and automatically changes the channel.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Drunken Jay Z fan spoons Pittsburgh redneck in search of warmth



I generally have been writing and drawing about celebrities or politicians. I heard about this story and it brought up some funny visuals. I pulled out the sketchbook like the old days. This sketch took about half an hour.

A guy living in Pittsburgh named Frank Fontana was home sleeping in his bed. Unknown to him Michael Karanja Kamau had been attending a Jay Z concert and had a few too many. He broke down two doors and crawled into bed next to Fontana under his leopard print sheets. Being the player that he is, Fontana had been expecting company. He says, "is that you, honey? Feeling a hand on his leg, delay…answer in a deep voice, "no it's not!".  My guess, Fontana's eyeballs resembled dodo eggs for a full 5 seconds.

He jumped out of his bed so hard he broke the floor. In one motion he called the cops, his neighbor and grabbed his baseball bat. After being arrested for trespassing and criminal mischief Kamau said that he was cold. This type of activity is why rednecks hate rap. I doubt Jay Z has lyrics urging his fans to jump in bed with white guys holding aluminum baseball bats. I picture Fontana being spooned by a grinning Kamau while his SUV bounces in his driveway running out of gas.

This Smackum! Award goes to Michael Kanrnja Kamau for being an absolute dumb ass.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Palin tweets for maverick McCain while a giant plywood baby catches speeders in Arizona



It's Senate seat election time and John McCain wants Sarah Palin to return the favor for making her famous.

Palin is who she is.  My question is, "what happened to the real John McCain? He used to be a credible maverick Republican. For a guy that resists change, the boy has changed. A year ago he didn't know Facebook from Shinola and now he is the king of Twitter. He adjusted to the future and is using it to his advantage.

People have gladly bought into paying a monthly fee for cable and cellphone. That wasn't a normal expense 25 years ago. That fee is taxed. Nobody is protesting, you just want your MTV. We have accepted the charges because it provides us entertainment and convenience. For most people, that represents at least $200 per month.

Why is health care reform so different? People will have access to a system that hasn't adjusted to the new world and it needs to be paid for. Many year's ago I was caught without insurance and had a devastating injury. Spend a week in county hospital and walk with a limp for 25 years. This argument is being fought by people with a government health plan. This does not give you a true perspective. There needs to be a government employee "Wife Swap" show. Take a politician and have him swap lives with a typical citizen. "Undercover Boss" with a government twist.

Republican complaints about Democrats usually end with "what happened to the real America?'. Well I just visited Arizona coincidently when Palin was in Phoenix stumping for the Mav. I was in the Phoenix Tempe, Scottsdale area checking out the Dodgers, A's and Giants. I must say I met great folks. Most were from other states but they gathered there, so I'll give Arizona the credit.

Being from California there are differences in traveling. First thing you notice are police SUV's with boom cameras 300 feet after a yellow sign warns you to say cheese. On the side of the road are cameras that snapped 40,000 tickets in the first two months they were installed. For a visitor, this gives you a defined "Big Brother" feel. The argument against Health Care was that is that it brought us closer to being a Communist state. This, "Big Brother" thing doesn't quite bring me back to the old west. It was interesting watching local residents with big trucks and testosterone. They knew where the cameras were. At the blind spots they gunned it enjoying freedom in 300 yard increments.

What's really weird is that leaving Arizona there is a huge plywood baby playing on the side of the I-10. Yes, I said a huge plywood baby. I didn't have time to take a picture but I wish I did. The baby is probably there to distract you like Sarah Palin. As you gawk you are photographed like a ride at Disneyland and mailed the invoice a few weeks later.

This Smackum! Award goes to John McCain for inventing Sarah Palin, installing Big Brother cameras and enslaving giant plywood babies.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Dr. Conrad Murray's hair is on fire for mis-handling Michael Jackson's health care


There are many types of doctor. Dr. Zhivago, Dr. Dre, Dr. Suess, Dr. Phil, Dr. Gupta, Doc Holiday, Julius Irving, Spin on and on.

Dr. Conrad Murray is more in the Frankenstein family.

Similar to (former NY Net) Jayson Williams who accidentally killed a guy with a shotgun while showing off for his friend's, started covering his tracks immediately. He stripped down to his scivvies and jumped in the pool to wash off the DNA. He told people to tell the cops that Cristofi committed suicide. Somehow he got a light sentence and will be out in a few years.

Dr. Murray had an opportunity to make some money and chose a risky client. I take it money talks and he was listening. He would give Michael his "milk" in the shape of propofol, a powerful sedative the gloved-one was addicted to. When he realized he was in trouble breathing, he took the time to hide his tracks rather than call for assistance. While Michael lay dying he was pre-planning his escape. Amazing what panic will do. That marrying a doctor thing doesn't sound so good in this case. This guy's greed and lack of medical ethics took the life of the King of Pop.

I see a public trial in the works. Could you imagine the drama. As Pops Jackson weeps and announces his next business venture, all the brothers will do a John Carlos wearing replica gloves that will be sold on E-Bay post trial. Cameras will show close-ups and photos of little Blanket playing with a Stun Gun. Aunt Katherine will be videoed thumbing through the Beatle's catalogue while working a calculator.

Watching a TV commercial about a new drug makes me think of Dr. Murray. You know the last part of the commercial where they tell you the bad news. May cause blindness in laboratory rats, pregnant women should not handle, induces vomiting, could cause liver displacement, kidney malfunction warnings. Scary stuff. People like him will take another's life in their hands for a little green. Sad. He's the doctor you want to call 4 hours after your Viagra keeps working, not the guy responsible for your breathing.

Dr. Murray is going to get some time to think about it. There are many of us who have lost relatives to medical malpractice. I hope this is at least a wake-up call for doctor's about to make a mistake. Maybe save a life.

This Smackum! Award goes to Dr. Conrad Murray who cost us the King of Pop.

Monday, March 22, 2010

"Shameful "John Boehner needs to soak off his spray tan in a "Hot Tub Time Machine"



Making fun of politicians is a slippery slope, especially when it involves lotion. You take the risk of angering about half the people that read your articles or look at your cartoons. Or in some cases, that's the entire Muslim world, including Jihad Jane. Today, my subject is John Boehner. pronounced (Bay-ner)

The nation is all about health care at the moment. I heard a good chunk of the session via satellite radio in my car. Listening to both sides is tough.  If you agree or disagree we don't exactly know what's coming.

What sucks for me is history and attention span. We can barely remember where the last disaster occurred or who is the last politician to cheat on his wife. We are inundated with this information and forget where we were as a country just a short time ago.

Prior to Obama's term, George Bush and Dick Cheney ran the country and sold us a war. If we disagreed with the program we were called anti-American or traitors. It was the shut up and go back to the mall years. Many Republicans were intent on fighting a war while the public focus was distracted by unbelievable loan availabilities. It seemed weird to be celebrating consumerism while we were at war in Iraq.

I listened to John Boehner say "Shame on you" to Democrats for wanting health care. Where was this guy when we were deciding to go to Iraq to kill people? Shame on him! He should have been calling out Dick Cheney and asking about Blackwater or asking Bush where the Iraqi nukes are being hidden. My guess he was in the tanning booth. I wonder as minority leader if he is just trying to tan his way to understanding and leadership.

I have heard more fervor from politicians over the health care issue than fighting a war where people die. Imagine if we had all the money and lives spent on Iraq aimed at the American health care system. Thinking about it though, that cash would have been spent on new SUV's or what is coming $5 dollar gas…again.

I know the world doesn't work like that. You can't get in a Hot Tub Time machine and change the past. But it would be great if politicians would fight not to fight as well as try to cure a broken health system.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Rielle Hunter does her own version of "Pants on the Ground"



Reille Hunter is an interesting character, to read, watch or draw. Usually when you mention blue eyes and blond hair your have visions of the typical peroxide model of our day. After drawing her, I can't say that she is attractive. Her mug is kind of long, she has a big nose and a crooked smile. I wouldn't give her a second look on the street with all the eye candy in LA.

I watched the video of her recent photo shoot. Talk about "pants on the ground", that's exactly where she left them. After taking all of these pictures she disapproves. Huh? This wasn't paparazzi, it was a pro shoot.

http://video.foxnews.com/v/4106191/rielle-hunter-breaks-her-silence/?FORM=VIRE1

You wonder why John Edwards would get involved with someone like this. You can't avoid the Tiger Woods references. At least Tiger ruined his reputation dating good looking women. Edwards describes Hunter as a "crazy woman of ill repute". That is after he told her that "she's so hot" when they first met. My guess, he met her in the dark, woke up and did a coyote. But maybe not. From what I have heard, he did a pregnant video sex tape with Ms. Hunter, obviously a few months later. If I saw such a thing my libido would be lost forever. Hello Viagra.

Screw you John Edwards. Screw you for ruining a great illusion. That being a good looking, successful politician, husband and father. You were almost Vice President. You wanted your buddy Andrew Young to take the fall and hope she gets an abortion. Not to mention falsifying laboratory documents. Then you propose and buy a beach house. Damn!

Genetics shape your life. With her looks, and his brain, their daughter would make it as a building contractor or evil ruler of a futuristic society.

With his looks and her brain the kid will be dancing to circus music from now to eternity.

What really sucks is that she may read this article some day. I should arrange a Smackdown between Rielle Hunter and Elizabeth Edwards. That is one tough woman.

So this Smackum Award! goes to Rielle Hunter for being a home wrecker messing with a married man who's wife was battling cancer.

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Saturday, March 20, 2010

Jesse James trades Oscar winning actress Sandra Bullock for Nazi chick Bombshell McGee



I remember watching the Celebrity Apprentice when Jesse James was on the show. It was apparent he had business savvy, a macho attitude and he wasn't willing to call all his rich friends to try to win the show like Clint Black. Overall he seemed like one of those rough exterior guys that loves his woman and flicks-off the rest of us. When I found out that he was married to Sandra Bullock I figured she liked guys with a tude and she's a little different.

When she won the Oscar for "The Blind Side" and the two of them pranced from the venue I do remember thinking, "that's pretty cool". The biker and the bus driver (Speed reference) did OK. Good for them.  Uh oh! I didn't know there was an Oscar version of the Sports Illustrated cover curse.

Now we seem to find out that there is another player in the Bullock / James game.  Her name is, believe it or not, Michelle "Bombshell" Mcgee. "Bombshell Mcgee? This sounds like a 40's comic book character or a cast member of Family Guy. To make things more interesting, she may be a White Supremacist. Most people that wear Swastika's do have some kind of attitude. If their ignorance level allows them to make videos and wear these symbols without knowledge of their meaning, fine. My guess is they know what they are doing and believe in the basics of Nazi thinking.

This doesn't mean the Jesse James is a Nazi, he just likes to screw a Nazi chick. Looking at it, I'm not that surprised. I would expect him to be with an edgy woman with leather boots and tattoos. It's just another example of the little head leading the big head. But, Bombshell Mcgee? Wow!

Sandra Bullock has a part in this. She made him jealous hanging out with a big black man, then she caressed a statue. If I was Jesse I would probably do the same thing. Find a Nazi chick named "Bombshell McGee" and show her who's boss. If she would have paid more attention to him he would not have been forced to do a Sanford/Edwards/Kobe/Letterman/Tiger/Clinton...Yeah, right.

This Smackum! Award goes to Jesse James for ruining his marriage to an Oscar winner by screwing a Nazi chick named, "Bombshell McGee".

Friday, March 19, 2010

JaMarcus Russell makes us miss the days of Lamonica and Plunkett



Reports of JaMarcus Russell being missing have been circulating around the football world. I'm not talking about 2010, his face has been on the side of milk cartons since 2007.

He swung a deal with Al Davis paying him $68 million dollars over six years, $31.5 guaranteed. That's AFTER he held out and missed training camp. He finished his rookie season with a whopping 36 completions in 66 attempts. That was worth $10.1 million dollars? I don't think so.

I played ball growing up. Like any kid I wished I could be a pro. Talent wise I was a good local athlete. That's it. To grow up and be 6-5, 255 and run a sub 5-second 40 is quite impressive. SEC Player of the Year, ALL-SEC, Manning Award. I can see why Al Davis mortgaged the ranch.

Physically the man is a freak. You shouldn't be that big and be able to throw the ball, yet he can. Unfortunately the cerebral part of the game has seemed to have escaped him. An interview from JaMarcus has a Jethro Bodine feel to it. You know, a little country mixed with some Beverly Hills bling minus the checkered shirt. JaMarcus would actually be 6'8" if not for the weight of his 5-carat earrings.

So 2010 is the time for redemption. All those miscues, interceptions and fumbles are behind him.  The bad news is he also has 271 pounds behind him as well. Like Chris Carter would say, "come on, man!". You take the big money, stink up the field and show up to camp the size of a lineman? Where is your leadership and pride?

Who knows. If I was in his size 18's I could be oblivious to my opportunity. His size and skill may have peaked in college. Can we say Ryan Leaf? Actually, that's messed up, he isn't Ryan Leaf.

The closest Subway is thrilled. $30 million can buy a lot of cheese steak sandwiches. Instead of plays, he wears a menu on his wrist. He uses the helmet communicator to call in his orders purposely neglecting a lunch for Tom Cable. This as well as numerous interceptions, fumbles and miscues will cost him his job as the starter. He'll have lots of pine time to polish his diamonds and chow extra large Phillies while Losman and Gradkowski make us miss the days of Lamonica and Plunkett. 

This Smackum! Award goes to JaMarcus Russell for pushing ego and cash in front of the love of the game.

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Anderson Cooper eating cookies off the top of his head!



If you watch TV, you can't help running into an Anderson Cooper 360 commercial. I don't normally watch him, I'm not a big CNN fan. I wondered where he came from. Now that I do some research I see that he is the son of writer Wyatt Emory Cooper and heiress Gloria Vanderbilt.  That's some impressive genetic engineering. He went to Yale, modeled for Calvin Klein and Ralph Lauren. Somehow I kind of missed this guy, but dude's been busy. 

From an outsider's perspective it reminds me of American Idol when they had that old looking guy in the contest. Not the pants on the ground guy, the white-haired singer that no one has heard from since. Anderson Cooper is credible, comes from a great background, traveled the world and has gray hair that makes him look older. The really old guys in the boardroom are high fiving their choice.

Somehow, the only time I really watched him, he and a bimbo were in a contest trying to eat a cookie off the top of their heads without using their hands.

I know they are trying to make him look like a regular guy, but it kind of reminded me of being at a school fair. Watching him do that cookie tongue thing really sucked.  I would have preferred a dunk tank, playing the shell game or eating live goldfish.

This Smackum! Award goes to Anderson Cooper for munching Oreos off the top of his silver noggin and I unfortunately watched it.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Howard Stern gabs about Gabby Sidibe



The Oscars are over and the world is focused on new things. Some of the images from the show make it memorable. I can remember Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin wearing Snuggies, Kathryn Bigelow from the Hurt Locker standing up over and over and countless shots of Gabourey Sidibe from Precious smiling big.

The next day Howard Stern said, "that's the most enormous, fat black chick I’ve ever seen." Shame on you Howard Stern! Shame on you for saying what everybody was thinking after she engulfed our TV screens. Not her fault. The producer picked shots that were so tight, my HD was all face. Then they repeated the shot 10 times.

I personally did not know who she was, I didn't see the movie. I have to say, my immediate response was similar to Howard Stern's, but I didn't say anything. Like many people, I silently judged her for her size. Everyone has family members that struggle with their weight. There can be many reasons for their size and we should not judge. Howard's insights are correct, it would be better for her health if she was smaller. Duh.

So no, this Smackum! award doesn't go to Howard Stern, it goes to Mike Browne (me) for thinking what Howard said.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Crazy red-haired Kanye West lady at the Oscars


This year I went to a friend's house in to watch the Oscars. I normally don't pay attention to award shows but I went for the party. I am impressed that Doogy Howser (Neil Patrick Harris) performed a duet alone. A perfect example of "the show must go on".

The show had been on a while and was beginning to drag. Music producer Roger Ross Williams was giving an acceptance speech for a Zimbabwe film (Prudence) that had a bit of baggage. As Williams spoke, the stage was rushed by Elinor Burkett, William's partner in the film. She ranted about this and that as Williams stood shocked. It immediately reminded me of Kanye West. Burkett should have yelled that "Beyonce made the best video of all time". She has already been dubbed, the "crazy red-haired Kanye West lady" before I finished drawing her face.

It ends up she wanted to go up on stage earlier but William's mother was standing on her dress. They are in a lawsuit over the film. It was supposed to be about a group and she was trying to communicate that to the audience. To us, it looked like the woman had lost her mind, when in reality she is a woman scorned. Whether she was right or wrong in her argument I can see having a problem watching someone that you are suing get an Oscar.

My problem is that she wasn't wearing aviator sunglasses when she stormed the stage. Using the magic of Illustrator and Photoshop I have corrected her error. What's also funny is that the situation of someone barging in, is now titled a "Kanye".

This Smackum Award goes to the crazy red-haired Kanye West lady, who is now famous,  Elinor Burkett!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

celebrity cartoon blog,Governor David Paterson in trouble for ethics violations and the mis-use of his Johnson



Just when New Yorker's thought that they would never miss Eliott Spitzer, David Paterson gets involved in yet another scandal. Fresh off ethics charges, he demands tickets as a gift to see the Yankees play in the World Series. New York has gift restrictions when it comes to politicians, he knows that. The tickets cost $450 street value. He'll pay an $80,000 fine. At least they won, but that's some pricey pinstripe when you can stay home and see it for free.

You think, he's the governor, what's a few tickets? When they are towing your car for being an inch in the red it is because of rules. Paterson didn't follow them so he shouldn't be shocked.

He is involved in the original (non Palin) Troopergate. Just a little witness tampering in a Halloween costume incident. It involved a guy with a 6' 7" Johnson. Actually it was a guy named Johnson that is 6' 7", but the former made a better story and got your attention.

On his first day as governor, his wife nods in agreement as he tells the world that they both had affairs and were equal scum bags. Again, it's about his Johnson. Pre-damage control? To me, this was a bad sign. I guess he and his cheating wife both signed divorce papers to be used in case of fire. To add fuel to that blaze, he lobbied to bailout Lehman Brothers and loosened restrictions on AIG. That's some good insight David…sorry.

To enrage the iPod audience he supported a 4% tax on digital music called the iTax. He wanted to add 4% tax to haircuts, weight loss, satellite TV, shoes under $500, fishing, camping and add tolls to city owned bridges.

He also wanted free tickets.

I'm on pins and needles to see who shows up next to be New York's governor. Hannibal Lecter? Mark Sanford? Bozo the Clown? Whoever does show up will be hearing circus music.

This Smackum! Award goes to former governor David Paterson who deserves a smack for being a Yankee fan.

List of TEN JOBS that BABIES should NOT do for their parents


An air traffic controller named Glenn Duffy brought his two kids to work and had them direct planes on the runway. He thought it would be cute. I can kind of see his thought process.  Watching commercials, children and puppies combined with some tweedle-dee music means things are happy. He was just going with the flow.

Some of the pilots played along thinking it was "career day" at the airport. Others probably thought that dude was sucking helium or something illegal.  Oh, what about the children?

Forget the children, there are hundreds of passengers on a plane and you are going to have a little diaper pooper direct a jumbo jet?  Wholly Moly!  That little girl has only been speaking English for a year. Obviously this guy never heard of Ronald Reagan. Back in the 80's traffic controllers wanted a raise. Reagan fired them. If the request was more Pampers they might still have their jobs.

Well, this isn't a "Balloon Boy" story, but I hope the FAA kicks this guy to the curb or we might start seeing some kids in power scenes that could get disturbing. Here's a few scenarios.

List of TEN JOBS that BABIES should NOT do for their parents

1) Candy Inspector - Inventory reveals foul play. Face covered in chocolate a baby twiddles his thumbs, looks in the air and whistles.

2) Waitress - You hear, "Can I take your order?" in baby talk. You expect to see some bubble head with an apron scribbling your order. Instead, it's her baby writing with crayons on your table cloth.

3) Bus Driver - As you get on the bus you see a tyke driving in a leaky diaper sitting on a phone book. He tries to stop at Toys R Us stores…but he can't reach the brake.

4) Dentist - It's time for your Novacaine shot. Just as the dentist is about to spray that weak topical anesthetic before the needle, junior steps up and uses a super soaker numbing your whole head.

5) Surgeon - Doctors on TV always turn on music during an operation. As you are counting backwards you hear a station change to Disney Radio. His daughter enters the operating room driving a "Barbie Corvette" with her hands raised in the air, scrubbed ready to operate.

6) Undertaker - They are about to bury Uncle Jimmy. Everyone is crying. Instead of digging a hole with heavy equipment, two babies in stove top hats dig with plastic shovels.

7) Talk Show Host - You turn on late night TV. Instead of Leno, a 3 year-old, who you can't understand attempts to interview Meryl Streep while drooling. 

8) Priest - You go to mass. Instead of priests, children are doing all the work. Oh!…they do that already, they are called "alter boys". My bad. Anyway, you are in confession and you bare your soul, begging the heavens forgiveness for numerous discrepancies. Unknown to you, your whole dialogue has already been published on YouTube. Kids.

9) Toyota Mechanic - Being that they are small, your Toyota mechanic lets junior tighten the bolts that are hard to reach, like the throttle.

10) Politician - You call your local politician and all you hear is whimpering and crying. No one notices any difference

This Smuckum! Award goes to Glenn Duffy for allowing his children to direct air traffic.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Forget O.J., Sam Waterston had the best performance in "Capricorn 1". No joke!

When you think of actors in the 1978 government cover-up movie, "Capricorn 1", most people remember OJ Simpson and James Brolin.

Here's a quick recap of the movie.  Elliot Gould plays a reporter chasing the story of 3 astronauts the government plans to make disappear after faking a moon landing. They manage to escape their captures and head in different directions. One of them will make it back to society and prove that those son-of-a-bitches set them up. They would shoot a flare when caught. 

OJ goes down first. In one of his best performances ever he bakes in the afternoon sun on his hands and knees eating dirt, staring into the sun believing he sees birds. They were helicopters from Haliburton equipped with machine guns. As agreed he set off a flare to let the others know he was about to be killed. Poof..bang!

James Brolin faked out the choppers, finds cover in a cave inhabited by a rattle snake and wins the battle. Then in "Man vs. Wild"style, he eats snake sushi. Elliot Gould will save him with a crop duster plane piloted by Teli Savalis, eventually delivering him to a press gathering eulogizing all three astronauts.

The performance that is lost is Sam Waterston. Yes, the same guy from Law & Order. His character cannot finish a joke, he never gets to the punchline. During his desert ordeal, his mountain to climb… is a mountain to climb. They start the scene at the bottom. He starts telling a joke. The scene goes on for about fifteen minutes and he still hasn't finished the joke. Just as he reaches the top and he's almost finished...no punchline. If there was one, I couldn't hear it over the grunting. Haliburton helicopters. Poof…bang! Dangit!

This Smackum! Award goes to Sam Waterston for taking an agonizing climb in 1978 and making it unbearable.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Olympic cross-country skiing race should include hungry bears



The Canada vs United States hockey game was on and it was a great game. Crosby grabbed the gold medal with an overtime winner, they were very happy. Good for you Canada, well played. 

The next sport on TV was cross-country skiing. About 50 guys in neon skin tights skate 50K up and down hills around trees, for about five hours. I was starting to feel a nap coming on. Three of us were watching the competition, so we came up with a new twist. Have the 50 guys take off wearing Slim Jim meat vests with a 5-minute lead…then release a hungry bear.

Much like nature would have it, the slow guys would be eliminated naturally… well, kind of.

Back to hockey. Watching all the professional hockey players celebrating made me think of Jim Thorpe. They took away his gold medals 100 years ago because he played semi-professional baseball. These hockey guys were a bunch of highly paid All-Star professional athletes and now it is fine. Shame.

The Olympics are over, that's it for the Vancouver. I'll remember the guy that died, many US skiing medals and wolves with glowing eyes gnawing on the limbs of slow moving cross-country skiers.

This Smackum! Award goes to the International Olympic Committee in 1912 for taking away and returning Jim Thorpe's gold medals.  Again, messing with the Indian.
 
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