Thursday, March 4, 2010

List of TEN JOBS that BABIES should NOT do for their parents


An air traffic controller named Glenn Duffy brought his two kids to work and had them direct planes on the runway. He thought it would be cute. I can kind of see his thought process.  Watching commercials, children and puppies combined with some tweedle-dee music means things are happy. He was just going with the flow.

Some of the pilots played along thinking it was "career day" at the airport. Others probably thought that dude was sucking helium or something illegal.  Oh, what about the children?

Forget the children, there are hundreds of passengers on a plane and you are going to have a little diaper pooper direct a jumbo jet?  Wholly Moly!  That little girl has only been speaking English for a year. Obviously this guy never heard of Ronald Reagan. Back in the 80's traffic controllers wanted a raise. Reagan fired them. If the request was more Pampers they might still have their jobs.

Well, this isn't a "Balloon Boy" story, but I hope the FAA kicks this guy to the curb or we might start seeing some kids in power scenes that could get disturbing. Here's a few scenarios.

List of TEN JOBS that BABIES should NOT do for their parents

1) Candy Inspector - Inventory reveals foul play. Face covered in chocolate a baby twiddles his thumbs, looks in the air and whistles.

2) Waitress - You hear, "Can I take your order?" in baby talk. You expect to see some bubble head with an apron scribbling your order. Instead, it's her baby writing with crayons on your table cloth.

3) Bus Driver - As you get on the bus you see a tyke driving in a leaky diaper sitting on a phone book. He tries to stop at Toys R Us stores…but he can't reach the brake.

4) Dentist - It's time for your Novacaine shot. Just as the dentist is about to spray that weak topical anesthetic before the needle, junior steps up and uses a super soaker numbing your whole head.

5) Surgeon - Doctors on TV always turn on music during an operation. As you are counting backwards you hear a station change to Disney Radio. His daughter enters the operating room driving a "Barbie Corvette" with her hands raised in the air, scrubbed ready to operate.

6) Undertaker - They are about to bury Uncle Jimmy. Everyone is crying. Instead of digging a hole with heavy equipment, two babies in stove top hats dig with plastic shovels.

7) Talk Show Host - You turn on late night TV. Instead of Leno, a 3 year-old, who you can't understand attempts to interview Meryl Streep while drooling. 

8) Priest - You go to mass. Instead of priests, children are doing all the work. Oh!…they do that already, they are called "alter boys". My bad. Anyway, you are in confession and you bare your soul, begging the heavens forgiveness for numerous discrepancies. Unknown to you, your whole dialogue has already been published on YouTube. Kids.

9) Toyota Mechanic - Being that they are small, your Toyota mechanic lets junior tighten the bolts that are hard to reach, like the throttle.

10) Politician - You call your local politician and all you hear is whimpering and crying. No one notices any difference

This Smuckum! Award goes to Glenn Duffy for allowing his children to direct air traffic.

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