Sunday, May 9, 2010

Craig Ferguson mocks Jay Leno as he throws Conan O'Brien under the bus



Craig Ferguson was all over Jay Leno making fun of his delivery. That is easy to do. If one of your friends walked into your house and acted like Jay Leno it would be pretty weird. First he wears a tuxedo and gets out of one of his 50 vehicles...then a band starts playing. As they finish, he applauds himself and starts talking to you in a voice like Barney Frank with intense hand movements and even more sarcasm. Then he shows you goofy news clippings with a drum roll. Wow, that's some serious entertainment. I can't wait for the dancing poodles and spinning plates.

For years we heard about Leno's plan to quit. Conan O'Brien was slated to take his place. This went on longer than Bret Farve's football decision. From a TV watcher's perspective I remember thinking, "just do it already" to both of them. Bret Farve ass-slapped  his way into the playoffs while Jay Leno bitch-slapped O'Brien and threw him under the bus.

Years ago, late night TV was a big deal. Johnny Carson was popular when there were 9 stations and barely any video. He ruled the time slot. In 2010 how important is late night TV? Advertisers know that answer, it's the Viagra audience. I rarely hear conversation at a coffee house about who was on Leno. 25 year-olds are on Facebook and YouTube. Middle Age folks watch TV on Tivo and read about their kids on Facebook. When that isn't happening the world is looking down at their cellphone wondering why the bars keep going away in the canyon.

Being that we look at the top of people's heads, I believe advertisers will start putting logos on the top of baseball caps, right where the button is. When you look down at your phone, the logo people will see will read "Eat at Joes!" and "Nike". What will be interesting to see will be if the mobile TV watching audience cares about seeing Leno's chin on their iPhone 4G and beyond.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Lawrence Taylor blitzed by rape allegations



I have been watching football since I was 5. Little kids want to be just like the big guys. When they play, fans cheer, planes fly over head, announcers bark their names while cheerleaders kick their legs up high. That is where you would find Lawrence Taylor sneaking a peek before beating a quarterback senseless. The guy was Defensive Player of the Year, League MVP, First Team All-Pro on and on. The press lauded him for his abilities to scare the living daylights out of a full grown man. Off the field this guy is just as frightening.

During his hay day the Giant's defense was nicknamed "The Big Blue Wrecking Crew".  I didn't realize that they were talking about Taylor's blue balls and what was going to be his post NFL life. What happened to the Walter Payton's or Merlin Olsen's of the NFL. Men who walked the walk both on and off the field.

"The Longest Yard" is really a good example of the guys on the NFL football field. These men are really fast, really big, and the meanest guy on the block. They have been coached to kill since they were in 3rd grade. You kind of hope that these neanderthals would wise up once they hit the sidelines. Obviously not.

Kids have a lot of choices when it comes to choosing heroes. You would hope it would be their parents, but they are often busy or fighting. Teachers? Sometimes. Golfers? Not. Politicians? Please. To turn into a good person a kid needs a role model. Watching TV isn't going to help. Forget the movies, Iron Man 2 stars two guys fresh out of rehab.

If you are lucky, you grow up around good people that show you the way through their actions. That can be a neighbor, an uncle, a coach, a relative. Someone with some sense that probably doesn't have a Super Bowl ring. I had Les & Adele & Mr. Schuman. Regular people that took me under their wing.

Hide your children from the likes of Lawrence Taylor, Corey Dillon, Darrion Scott, Mike Tomczak, Eric Foster, Ben Roethlisberger, Leroy Hill, Joey Porter, Ryan Leaf, Spencer Havner, Warren Sapp, Steven Jackson, Jermaine Phillips, Marshawn Lynch,Terry Glenn on and on. These are only NFL players RECENTLY in trouble with the law.

Lawrence Taylor supposedly had sex with a 16 year-old girl. That is a long way from a Super Bowl ring.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Roman Polanski to be extradited to the US for feeding "Disco Biscuits" to a 13-year old



Most of the caricatures on www.CelebrityCartoonBlog.com take about 2 hours. I have to analyze their face, apply my principals, sketch in pencil, re-draw in Adobe Illustrator and finish in PhotoShop. At the same time I am writing the story in my head. I have been hearing about Roman Polanski my whole life. Drawing a close up was weird, you wonder what was thinking.

He recently broke his silence by saying he believes authorities in the U.S. are trying to extradite him purely for publicity, and “to serve me on a platter to the media of the world.” The answer to that would be yes.  There is a girl named Samantha Geimer that was 13 at the time. He fed her champagne and quaaludes, (also known as "disco biscuits") performed oral, sodomy and intercourse. He plead guilty to engaging unlawful intercourse and skipped town back to France. He has made films and lived a life in Europe leaving the mess in the past.

Since then, Geimer has forgiven him and wants the charges dropped. But some cases just won't go away…this is one of them. It was embarrassing to the Feds that he did what he did and got away. Polanski's statement about being a monkey for the press is 100% correct. Looking back, if he had faced the music in 1977 the whole episode would have been long forgotten.

I have a solution.

Bring him back to the US for a long, agonizing O.J.like trial. He can make a film about the ordeal with all proceeds going to the church. Thinking about it, maybe not. They have their own problems with child endangerment.

How about letting Samantha drug him, then kick him in the balls. I'll start a website, KickPolanksiInTheBalls.com. Post the event on YouTube, start a blog followed with a Facebook fan page.

2010 viral justice from www.SmackumApp.com!
 
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