Monday, February 8, 2010

Tiger Woods getting smacked for getting whacked and that's a fact

Obviously, Tiger learned nothing from Kobe, Bill Clinton, Governor Mark Sanford, David Letterman, Russell Crowe, Mick Jagger and every other celebrity chased by TMZ. He was out late playing the nineteenth hole and got busted.  

Everyone knows his story by now. Balloon Boy, The Diaper Bomber and mind numbing speeches by Sarah Palin make you forget about Tiger and his sexual urges. When he comes back and starts playing golf again I have a feeling he may be asked about them. Hopefully he will be able to resist the urge to hump someone's leg.

The first reports about the SUV accident had Elin using a golf club to free Tiger from his wrecked car.  I don't think so. My guess was that she was using the club on him, freeing him of some teeth. Nobody has seen him since, don't be surprised if he's sporting an altered grill. 

Tiger has lost millions of endorsement dollars, paid off countless women, been embarrassed publicly and contemplates divorce. That's a lot of smack'in. Plus I believe Elin smacked him hard with a club. So, this post's star is Tiger Woods for getting smacked for getting whacked, busted on the way back and that's a fact.

Buster Douglas SMACKS Mike Tyson February 11, 1990

A famous smack happened February 11, 1990 in Japan. At the time, Mike Tyson was "The Man" in boxing. he was knocking most guys out with the first punch. He wanted a tune-up fight with the intent on attaining a huge fight with Evander Holyfield for the title. Searching for for a tomato can, they found Buster Douglas.

Buster had fought other boxers of note such as Randall "Tex" Cobb, Greg Page and Tony Tucker. He had a bit of a belly and would be a 42 to 1 underdog against Tyson. What he had going for him was he was a good athlete, had a long reach and was motivated by his mother's recent death. Then Mike Tyson took him too lightly.

Tyson got smacked silly through most of the fight with Buster's long jab. In the tenth round, Buster stepped up and landed an uppercut that sent the champ on a drunken search for his mouthpiece. Tyson was never the same after that. After the fight, Buster blew up, literally. To the sum of 400 pounds.

The Buster Douglas Boxing video game sold for $40 bucks. They sold approximately 12 units. No matter, the guy issued a classic Smackum! when he was feeling it. Tyson was an animal back then.

Sarah Palin for president?...not if Hillary has a say!

I know I have already written about Sarah Palin, but she has announced that she would run for president if it is good for the country and the Palin family. Like Chris Carter would say on ESPN, "Come on, Man!".

She is now the face of the "Tea Party" in America. People who want change. Hmmm, sounds familiar. I can understand that she is pissed at today's financial situation, so am I. Now that "W" is out of office, it is no longer an excuse that George put us here. Obama has had a year and things aren't better. We just don't understand that her ideas and the Tea Party movement will save us. Follow Sarah to the White House in 2012. I repeat, "Come on, Man!"

I have been around for a number of presidents. I never remember such a blatant effort to see our president fail. At the cost of the country, people like Rush Limbaugh would rather see Obama fail even it meant that people are left without health care, jobless and broke. Sarah is not as radical but she believes that she is qualified to run the country. The Tea Partiers tell her so. Maybe there are 1000's of them, but is she going to run on the Tea Party ticket in 2012?

When they show a Tea Party member on TV, he usually looks like a guy from the local Kiwanis club. Bearded, tall, hunched over, wearing a vest with Sarah Palin buttons waving an American flag. That is not your typical power broker. He is there because she is cuter than the waitress at Denny's.

She ripped Obama for using a teleprompter while reading crib notes she had sketched in her hand. The crowd roared when she mentions secession and we find out her secessionist husband was running Alaska from his snowmobile.

She would have to be nominated by the Republican or independent parties. Sarah mentions that she would run if it is good for the country and her family. OK fine. Let's picture that. The Palin's move into the White House. The first thing you would hear is a thud. That would be Hillary Clinton fainting. She was a step away from a nomination, extremely qualified and knows geography. Now the Palin's will mount a moose head plaque in the Lincoln room.

There are two books that spell out exactly where Palin is coming from and what it is like working with her. If somehow she gets elected as president of the United States we will have nobody to blame but ourselves. People can be lemmings. All I know is that I'm not jumping.

So my guest smacker is Hillary Clinton, she'll owe many smacks if we see Palin in office someday.
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