Wednesday, February 10, 2010

USC's Football Coach Wayne Kiffin recruiting a 7th grader



 
I heard about new USC football coach, Wayne Kiffin recruiting a 7th grader named David Sills to play quarterback. They predict he will be 6'4" tall, win many Heisman trophies and be MVP of the Super Bowl in 2022. Especially if you are from Tennessee you believe Kiffin deserves a smack. Here is a list of reasons why recruiting a 12-year old is a bad idea.



#10 - Diaper Rash
It makes Brett Favre style butt smacks extra painful

#9 - Clearasil
zit cream is slippery, causes  fumbles

#8 - Paper route
He will strain his elbow throwing newspapers from a bicycle

#7 - Pulling pigtails
The "Pigtail" incident will haunt him all the way to the recruiter's office

#6 - Busted in Algebra
Getting caught cheating on his algebra test sends an early message to "The Mob" that he can be bought

#5 - Losing to an old lady at Madden Football
Online research it will be reveal that he was defeated by a 65-year old lady in a network Madden Football game

#4 - X-Game (wanna be)
He breaks every bone in his body jumping his flaming lawn mower over the garage

#3 - X's and O's
When he draws X's and O's on the board...girls kiss him

#2 - Lighting Farts
He severely burns his throwing hand while lighting up a butt stinky

#1 - Grounded
Forgetting to take out the trash and sending 20,000 text messages in one month, David is grounded for 4 years starting at 18.

I used to coach 12 year-olds, you never know how they will turn out. A lot happens to you between 12 and 18. The pressure of college while you are still in middle school can't help his soon growing ulcer. I would think it would also effect his personality and relationships. Every kid wants to be the star, Tiger Woods was recruited early, so was Kobe. Now that I think about it so was Ryan Leaf and Todd Marinovich. All of them have rough spots in their stories. Being a talented kid and recognized is hard to do in today's crowded sports world. Maybe some day we'll be reading good David Sills stories. I hope so.

Today's Smackum! goes to Wayne Kiffin for messing up Tennessee and putting unreal expectations on a 12-year old.

Jim Cramer deserves a Smackum!


Jim Cramer is the star of "Mad Money" which is a good title for him.  Either he is mad, the people that listen to him are mad, or the people that invested their savings are steaming.  His mission statement reads;

"This show is not about picking stocks. It's not about giving you tips that will make you money overnight – tips are for waiters. Our mission is educational, to teach you how to analyze stocks and the market through the prism of events."

After giving Bear Stearns the thumbs up right before it went down follows a pattern of predictions that has cost his followers many thousands of dollars over the years. Then, he has the audacity to criticize the White House about the economic downturn questioning their methods.

TheStreet.com's hedge fund market manipulation discussion was disturbing at best. Then, John Stuart completely outed him on The Daily Show where he admitted to being a geek and ill informed. Mr. Stuart suggested that he remove the "expert" from his job title. Cramer went right back to it next day.

Watching people like Jim Cramer and Cry Baby Beck really makes me question FOX's decision making. You can't criticize unless you listen. I listened, these guys are clowns. The only thing missing from their shows are dancing poodles and spinning plates.

Today's Smackum! award goes to John Stewart for whacking Jim Cramer in March 2009.
 
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