Thursday, February 18, 2010

Tiger Woods admits, "the devil made me do it!"


Tiger was hoping that with all the numbskull moves that celebrities and politicians have made over the past few months, the public would forget about his antics. Unfortunately he is one of the most recognizable people on the planet so the news media has been ready since he hit the tree. He is going to reveal to the public in his own private way why we have not seen him on the golf course. It is a press conference minus the press. Satellite coverage that will show a private moment. Hmmmm.

What we will hear should sound something like "blah, blah blah. I'm sorry, I've let you down. My fans deserve better and so does my family. I apologized from the bottom of my heart, so please leave me alone."  That is expected.  What is he going to do, get up and say, "I did all them hoes backwards and forwards up and down, and I LIKED IT!"  Did you see the whipped cream video!…I don't think so.

What people don't know is that Tiger is just a newer version of Joe Hardy from "Damn Yankees". I have always thought that anyone that can do that with a golf ball must have sold his soul to the devil. Having warmed up on Dave Letterman, the devil found bigger prey. He knew Tiger could be bought, he drove a Buick for money.

He would let Tiger travel the world, score major babes, plus have a family life with beautiful children and a doting wife. AND he gets paid millions to play golf!  Man, who wouldn't sign up for that. There has to be a catch. The problem all started with a lesson and a bet. If Tiger would teach the devil how to putt, he would get his wish.

A slight adjustment to his stance as well as holding his tail still resulted in plop after plop from all over the green. Betting on the next shot, the devil taps it from 75 feet away. It rolls up a small hill, dances over some leaves, rides on top of a stick, avoids a rabid squirrel, slides down the fringe and makes a hard left to the hole. Both the devil and Tiger were mesmerized by the little white ball's journey. It rotates eight more times and stops one revolution short of a miracle. Tiger says, "Ain't life a bitch?"

Wish granted.

This Smackum! Award goes to the devil for smack'in Tiger Woods right in the middle of a great career.
 
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