Friday, April 23, 2010

Ben Roethlisberger suspended from Steelers games for being a bad date

I don't have a daughter. If I did I would hide her from Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger immediately. You would think having two Super Bowl rings and millions of dollars that Ben would hook up with a honey just like he does wide receivers. In this part of life he has not read the playbook, his passes are incomplete and he doesn't know when to use the brakes.

You can't teach charm. Some guys can get girls by just standing there. I remember reading a description of Gino Vanelli, the singer of "I just want to stop". They said his hair was still blowing even after he entered the room. Dude was a chick magnet. Ben would try to impress a girl by eating boogers, frying ants, stomping spiders, tripping old ladies or opening his mouth showing a half eaten sandwich. He treats girls like a young teenager...stupid, awkward. It's a vibe thing, it must be frustrating. All the movies always show the quarterback with a hot blonde and a mini-me love child. Big Ben is one of those poor bastards that couldn't get laid with a fist full of fifties.

People were mad at Tiger Woods and Jesse James because they were married. Ben is single and is still taking some serious heat. At least he wasn't caught wearing women's underwear like Marv Albert or holding hands in the men's room like Larry Craig. Ben just doesn't know how to get women, he is about as smooth as sandpaper. He would fit in with steelworkers balancing on a girder whistling at ladies that ignore them like pigeons. Unlovable Ben will get six weeks away from football to think about it probably ruining their Super Bowl chances in 2010. Maybe he should take the time and go to charm school.

This Smackum! Award goes to Ben Roethlisberger for being a really bad date and having no class.
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